Tablet Technology

My lovely lady is an artist. She uses a notebook computer in her artistic pursuits. At present she is a bit house bound due to a persistent spinal anomaly and she uses the computer for art ideas. I suggested that perhaps she would benefit from using a tablet; the new wonder of the tech world. She was enthusiastic.

I immediately started researching the various possibilities. There are quite a few choices. I researched them all; the iPad, the color eBook readers with the touch screens, the Android things. There are so many. Finally, after considering everything; features, price and the all important trend buzz, I settled on the Etch-A-Sketch. This is apparently the latest in tablet technology. It is used by all holders of high office in the land. The deciding feature was the ability to start afresh with a simple shake and jiggle. The lack of need to charge or change a battery was also of importance to my decision.

My lovely lady was pleased, but did ask about the possibility of a color model. I explained to her that the rumors coming out of Toledo, Ohio were that the Etch-A-Sketch 4G with a full color retina screen was due out next year and that the minute that it hit the shelves I would place one in her beautifully manicured hands. It is a wonderful feeling to be able to make your loved one happy.

Pink Slime

Pink Slime is the new epicurean rage. It is incredible, everywhere you go you hear about Pink Slime. Celebrities are talking it up (not throwing it up.) In the food processing business it is known as ‘lean beef trimmings’. As you might expect, it comes from cows. These cows surely eat grain; therefore, it comes from grain. Good clean wholesome grain; nothing to worry about. However I did have a bit of a scare the other day. I had consumed a delicious hamburger for lunch. Then I was hit with the buzz about Pink Slime. The next day I discovered that my stool was a bit pink and I put it down to Pink Slime. It was quite a shock. How could one get pink stool from eating grain product? It didn’t seem logical. I soon was put right in my thinking. An examination of my stool proved that the pinkness was not from grain nor from lean beef trimmings, but from red beets. As it happens, that same evening my lovely lady had prepared for me an enormous portion of roasted and seasoned red beets as part of a vegan dinner. (As well as a carnivore, I am also a vegan.) And it was the beets that had pinkened my stool. What a relief, Pink Slime is back on my menu.

Uncertainty Index

It has been brought to my attention, through an off planet communication channel, that some brainiacs from Stanford and Chicago Universities have discovered the Uncertainty Index. I hear you say, “But that was discovered a long time ago by some German Guy!” Actually the German Guy discovered something different. He discovered the Uncertainty Principle which says that at the finest and smallest level of things, you can't be certain of anything. But at higher levels, as is well known, we can still be certain of death and taxes.

This new Uncertainty Index, which is not to be confused with the Volatility Index or the Pessimism Index, is a quantitative measure of the uncertainty in the public mind caused by inconsistencies in government policy. If you think that 'quantitative measure' and 'government policy' shouldn't be used in the same sentence, just remember I was not an English major. The gist of the research is that the present uncertainties in the near future caused by inconsistent governmental policies related to tax breaks and pork barrel handouts to special companies have caused American companies to hoard their unseemly profits in their mattresses and not invest them in the American economy. Thus causing the Great Recession. Or maybe it was the Great Recession that caused the uncertainty. I am not too certain about that.

The main positive result of this new announcement is that the pundits and comedians now have something new to talk about. The Republicans and their in-house comedians on the FiveFoxyFriends show claim that President Obama and his minions are responsible for the current uncertainty and the Great Recession. The Democrats and their in-house comedians on the DailyReport claim that it is all the fault of ex-Pres George W. and the current Republican led congress. Only history will tell who wins in the end; certainly not the American people.